As I sit at my desk avoiding all the marking of papers that I have to do, looking out the window at the palatial house across the road from the school (hidden a little behind 10 UAE flags that flank the path to the school entrance), I can't help but think that I might have been here just a little too long.
I think it is time to start getting a little reflective about the last two and a half years in the UAE. To be honest, I've purposely blocked out some of this stuff in an effort to live a fairly 'normal' existence here. Now it feels like the proverbial 'gloves are off' and it is time to be more than a little candid about life in the desert.
So, you know you have been in the desert too long when...
1. ...you are at school and suddenly over the loud speaker the girls are told to go outside where they will sing the national anthem, wave flags and have photographs taken. You find out that it is 'flag day' and you had no idea, but you accept this is just the way it rolls...
2. ...you ask your students to write a paragraph about their future dreams. One girl tells you her dream is to get her degree, get married to a handsome man, have 12 children; all of whom will become martyrs/soldiers to fight to get their land back...and the other girls in the class are cheering 'brave mother!' in support - and you're not surprised...
3. ...you wear a skirt slightly above your ankle-line to school and you feel totally naked...
4. ...you are told you are loved so much and yet will burn in the fires of Hell - and you feel unfazed about that...
5. ...you don't even look out of the window to know what you will wear for the day...
6. ...the most important consideration for your car is not how good it looks, how big it is, how fast it will go, or how many kms it has on the clock - only whether the air conditioner is working efficiently...
7. ...you enter a waterpark at opening time 10am, are told you cannot go through the gates until 10.30am and then are told you cannot enter the water until 11am because the lifeguards do not start until that time - so you smile and wait patiently...
8. ...to apply for anything, or to do anything, you require your passport page copied and stamped, your visa page copied and stamped, your Emirates ID copied both sides and stamped, your salary letter, two copies of your passport photo with the correct shade of blue background and your marriage certificate copied and stamped...and you surprisingly have all of this ready to go!
9. ...you no longer look twice when someone wearing a white Khandora sits at the cafe table next to you and drinks Heineken while the call to prayer is playing...
10. ...you are ready to put your leg or foot out to stop the progress of a local who wants to push their way in to be served at a counter while you have been waiting in line...
11. ...you see an Aramex van pull up at your neighbour's place and you shrug your shoulders knowing they will be 'running' from the country within the next 48 hours...
12. ...you arrive at Dubai Airport at midnight after an awesome holiday, only to be held up at Passport Control while a very bolshy westerner decides to scream and yell at the man on the counter because she/he wasn't served quickly enough...and you just cringe because you've seen it all too often...
13. ...when trying to achieve one small step for mankind (such as getting a code of good conduct certificate from the local police) you expect to be told to go to at least 3 different places, be sent back to the place you previously went to, told you have the wrong form so have to go to another place to get the correct one, and told to come back in two days then 'Insha'allah' it will be ready!
14. ...you are no longer surprised by what is in the back of a truck driving next to you...camels, goats, lambs...we will miss you!
15. ...you read in the newspaper that the Saudi government ban women driving because it is no good for their ovaries.
16. ...you get an electricity bill that is huge even though you were away for 6 weeks over summer...and you just accept it because what else can you do??
17. ...you sign a contract that says your employer will give you a pay rise each year, and then the Sheik decrees there is a freeze on pay rises so you will not get one...and you accept it as there's no way to protest it...
18. ...you come to accept that you are paid much less than a local teacher who teaches 1/3 of what you do each day, yet gets paid 3 times more...
19. ...you quickly leave the Rugby Club when someone is hurt dancing on someone else's shoulders as the Paddy Man finishes his gig...all because you are intoxicated and that could cause problems if the police turn up!
20. ...you are not surprised when you enter a roundabout and have to detour around a crashed car, an upturned car, or even worse an uncovered body of an Indian worker...
21. ...you are unsurprised to find out that the Nanny down the road has been deserted by her western family who have 'run' back home and have left her with nothing...
22. ...you are not shocked that the Dubai Adnoc (petrol station) has declared it will take all 'tips' given to the workers (who brave 50 degree heat) and fire the worker who keeps it.
23. ...you are not shocked at the Kuwait government that has just declared it will implement an immigration test for gay people...one wonders what the test will include?!
24. ...you are no longer shocked at the state of some of the offspring of the local people; as genetic abnormalities abound.
25. ...you are not surprised that hymen replacement is the most common form of plastic surgery in the country...
26. ...you no longer feel insulted when the local female teachers ask you "why you fat? you not do the sport?"
27. ...you can tell exactly who the Emirati teacher is behind the fully-faced shayla as you recognise her walk, her eyes and her general demeanour.
28. ...you begin your third winter in the desert and you don a jacket when you are feeling the cold at 30 something degrees!
29. ...you are watching an Arabic speaking movie with English subtitles and forget to read, but understand what is being said!!
And you definitely know you've been in the desert too long when...
30. ...you know you are leaving the desert forever and all of the above are things you may just feel quite nostalgic about one day!!!
I think it is time to start getting a little reflective about the last two and a half years in the UAE. To be honest, I've purposely blocked out some of this stuff in an effort to live a fairly 'normal' existence here. Now it feels like the proverbial 'gloves are off' and it is time to be more than a little candid about life in the desert.
So, you know you have been in the desert too long when...
1. ...you are at school and suddenly over the loud speaker the girls are told to go outside where they will sing the national anthem, wave flags and have photographs taken. You find out that it is 'flag day' and you had no idea, but you accept this is just the way it rolls...
2. ...you ask your students to write a paragraph about their future dreams. One girl tells you her dream is to get her degree, get married to a handsome man, have 12 children; all of whom will become martyrs/soldiers to fight to get their land back...and the other girls in the class are cheering 'brave mother!' in support - and you're not surprised...
3. ...you wear a skirt slightly above your ankle-line to school and you feel totally naked...
4. ...you are told you are loved so much and yet will burn in the fires of Hell - and you feel unfazed about that...
5. ...you don't even look out of the window to know what you will wear for the day...
6. ...the most important consideration for your car is not how good it looks, how big it is, how fast it will go, or how many kms it has on the clock - only whether the air conditioner is working efficiently...
7. ...you enter a waterpark at opening time 10am, are told you cannot go through the gates until 10.30am and then are told you cannot enter the water until 11am because the lifeguards do not start until that time - so you smile and wait patiently...
8. ...to apply for anything, or to do anything, you require your passport page copied and stamped, your visa page copied and stamped, your Emirates ID copied both sides and stamped, your salary letter, two copies of your passport photo with the correct shade of blue background and your marriage certificate copied and stamped...and you surprisingly have all of this ready to go!
9. ...you no longer look twice when someone wearing a white Khandora sits at the cafe table next to you and drinks Heineken while the call to prayer is playing...
10. ...you are ready to put your leg or foot out to stop the progress of a local who wants to push their way in to be served at a counter while you have been waiting in line...
11. ...you see an Aramex van pull up at your neighbour's place and you shrug your shoulders knowing they will be 'running' from the country within the next 48 hours...
12. ...you arrive at Dubai Airport at midnight after an awesome holiday, only to be held up at Passport Control while a very bolshy westerner decides to scream and yell at the man on the counter because she/he wasn't served quickly enough...and you just cringe because you've seen it all too often...
13. ...when trying to achieve one small step for mankind (such as getting a code of good conduct certificate from the local police) you expect to be told to go to at least 3 different places, be sent back to the place you previously went to, told you have the wrong form so have to go to another place to get the correct one, and told to come back in two days then 'Insha'allah' it will be ready!
14. ...you are no longer surprised by what is in the back of a truck driving next to you...camels, goats, lambs...we will miss you!
15. ...you read in the newspaper that the Saudi government ban women driving because it is no good for their ovaries.
16. ...you get an electricity bill that is huge even though you were away for 6 weeks over summer...and you just accept it because what else can you do??
17. ...you sign a contract that says your employer will give you a pay rise each year, and then the Sheik decrees there is a freeze on pay rises so you will not get one...and you accept it as there's no way to protest it...
18. ...you come to accept that you are paid much less than a local teacher who teaches 1/3 of what you do each day, yet gets paid 3 times more...
19. ...you quickly leave the Rugby Club when someone is hurt dancing on someone else's shoulders as the Paddy Man finishes his gig...all because you are intoxicated and that could cause problems if the police turn up!
20. ...you are not surprised when you enter a roundabout and have to detour around a crashed car, an upturned car, or even worse an uncovered body of an Indian worker...
21. ...you are unsurprised to find out that the Nanny down the road has been deserted by her western family who have 'run' back home and have left her with nothing...
22. ...you are not shocked that the Dubai Adnoc (petrol station) has declared it will take all 'tips' given to the workers (who brave 50 degree heat) and fire the worker who keeps it.
23. ...you are not shocked at the Kuwait government that has just declared it will implement an immigration test for gay people...one wonders what the test will include?!
24. ...you are no longer shocked at the state of some of the offspring of the local people; as genetic abnormalities abound.
25. ...you are not surprised that hymen replacement is the most common form of plastic surgery in the country...
26. ...you no longer feel insulted when the local female teachers ask you "why you fat? you not do the sport?"
27. ...you can tell exactly who the Emirati teacher is behind the fully-faced shayla as you recognise her walk, her eyes and her general demeanour.
28. ...you begin your third winter in the desert and you don a jacket when you are feeling the cold at 30 something degrees!
29. ...you are watching an Arabic speaking movie with English subtitles and forget to read, but understand what is being said!!
And you definitely know you've been in the desert too long when...
30. ...you know you are leaving the desert forever and all of the above are things you may just feel quite nostalgic about one day!!!
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